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I'm 30 & only date IRL.

Updated: Oct 7, 2022

Q&A with a 30 year old, dating in L.A., that seeks a guy who has the balls to call.

What does dating "IRL" mean?

It’s simple: I only date "in real life". The majority of my friends, my age, date online through apps like Tinder or Hinge. And some of them have even met & married their spouses through apps with a hook-up culture. However I find online dating a distraction. I don't have the energy or time for it.

How does online dating require more energy or time?

As I get older, I have been looking at the big picture. Turning 30, I realized my clock is ticking. I feel like with online dating, you are going to meet a lot of players that don't have the same kind of relationship goals. I am not interested in spending time setting up an online profile, or writing a bio for random strangers. I consider myself a private person as it is, and I would rather get to know someone one-on-one IRL (in real life).

What are you looking for? Ultimately, I would like to find a partner for life. When I get to know someone, I consider their strengths/weaknesses, our compatibility, and how we spend our time together. When I start dating someone, I take it day by day getting to know them. I try to have fun and then decide if it's going to work out. How do you meet a potential date IRL? It's not like I am on the hunt or scoping the room for "the one". I could be at an art show, a baby shower, or a new restaurant-- you never know. You just have to be friendly & open to the possibilities. Of course I would prefer a guy to approach me but sometimes I have to take the initiative. I notice that if I make a connection, most guys at first ask for my Instagram handle versus asking for my phone number. I think they are trying to find ways that they can relate-- by viewing my lifestyle through photos & IG stories. I guess it's more comfortable for them to text message then call. When do you feel comfortable exchanging your contact with a guy? The synergy needs to be mutual, there needs to be some attraction, and I follow my gut feeling from our initial conversation. I want to be with someone that is caring & genuine.

Have you had a bad dating experience with someone you met IRL?

I went to this event in Hollywood. It was a club setting with music but also a variety of vendors promoting their businesses. I ended up getting a shoulder massage in the Sports Massage booth & the masseur asked me out on date. So, I started dating this guy: Single-Dad, 25 years old, employed, nice. We got along well on our dates, and by the 5th date he invited me for a weekend getaway / mini road trip to Big Bear (ski/lake resort area). Anyways, I packed a bag & was excited to go the morning of. I patiently wait to get picked-up and then after an hour passes I start calling & the guy doesn't answer his phone or text messages... he completely ghosted me! Finally a few days go by & he sends me an IG private message "I'm not ready for commitment." I was really mad & annoyed with the way he communicated & ended things.

"I start calling & the guy doesn't answer his phone or text messages... he completely ghosted me!"

Do you have any "red flag" dating advice?

Nobody wants to waste their time with someone that doesn't have the same intentions. Pay attention to:

  • How does the person spends their free-time socially. Like do they drink a lot? A LOT? That's a red flag.

  • What are their priorities? What's important to them-- ie. video games, family, cats, church? Does this relate to you?

  • Do they make an effort to reach out to you?

I like my independence (being single). Stay focused on your needs and goals. I am not going to force a relationship if it's not right... and either should you.

“I like my independence. Stay focused on your needs and goals. I am not going to force a relationship if it's not right... and either should you.”


Guest Profile Becky is a Law Firm Administrator. She likes to cook and be outdoors. She looks forward to finding "the one" IRL and is planning to join a single's Meetup Group this fall to connect with others with similar interests. She's not interested in psychos and values relationships based on trust & honest communication. She's 30 and interested in guys that are closer to her age. "40 is my max."

Instagram: @findmetheone.stories


Blog Photo Credits: & (Creative Commons). Contributors Disclaimer: Submissions are memoir. It reflects the author/guests present recollections of experiences over time. Some names and characteristics have been changed, some events have been compressed, and some dialogue has been recreated. Personal stories are not intended to hurt others-- the intention of this blog is to inspire and entertain.

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